We’re getting closer.
I’m trying to step out of the present and into the presence
dipping my toes into the past
as well as the future.

Hyper focusing on this moment, but also remembering what brought us here.

My first pregnancy and birth,
we had so much to learn,
so many expectations and assumptions to overcome.
My mother had cancer and managed to break her ankle weeks before my due date and her trip up to Philly.
I was concerned about her experience.
This would be her first grandchild and who knows how long she’d have with them or if she’d get to see me (her only child) have another baby.
I needed to do this right.
I needed to do well,
make her proud.
Of course I realize now she couldn’t have felt any other way.

With my second, we had a whole other set of challenges to navigate.
By then, we were changed.
We’d been through so much in our first two years as parents.
That birth was a resurrection of sorts,
a coming home to myself,
a reimagining of my strength and resilience.
I’d proven to myself my worthiness, my power.
I went into that birth self-actualized.
I’ll share that story another time.
Perhaps I’ll share a glimpse of that birth too.
For another week.

When I got to the studio this week, I found this new birth playlist on Mike’s Apple Music by accident and remember mentioning to him in passing that I loved this song.
It reminded me of the connection we have.
That connection, it’s getting us through this year.
It got us through the difficult times in the past
and it got me through the first two births (and the one loss in between my daughter and this new baby).
It’ll get us through this one too.

#35weeks