We shot this Wednesday of last week, at the start of the fires, right when the air started to get toxic with smoke, before we realized how bad it would get and went on lock down inside our home.

I’d felt anxious all week.
An uneasiness settling into my body.
A sense of impending doom perhaps.

Anxiety is not unfamiliar to me.
It’s like a needy, difficult old friend that I’ve learned to manage and avoid over the years,
but who likes to visit more often when I’m pregnant and postpartum.
I’ve learned how to sit with this friend.
I’ve learned how to maintain boundaries with this friend too
and I feel much more empowered in our dealings the past few years.

I’d also hurt myself earlier in the week.
A ridiculous, annoying injury
caused simply by a deep satisfying stretch first thing in the morning
that caused a leg cramp in my calf so painful I couldn’t walk
and that took days to release.
It was still bothering me when I met the filmmakers at the studio.

Since the air was already starting to get bad and I was still injured, I assumed I’d take it easy, trudging through this week’s pregnant movement journal entry
because I’d made a commitment
and I would stick to it.

And yet again,
this practice of movement,
of creation,
teaches me its healing qualities
its power
its ability to inspire complete and utter release.

In hindsight, the words of this song are haunting with foresight.
“Can you feel it coming faster? Disaster.”

We’re moving through it and we’ll keep moving.
We are resilient.
We are powerful.
The sky is blue today.
We will honor her.
Rest in Power RBG

#32weeks